I was born as a trusting person but learned in childhood that I couldn’t trust everybody and that different people are untrustworthy on different levels.
The first four school years I had a classmate who used any chance to act vile against me and another classmate. I couldn’t handle him verbally, but I could physically, but I had preferred to handle him verbally, his words hurt. I think I was fighting most school days in the first four years.
Seen astrologically I had Moon in Pisces, and I was born under a full moon in opposition to the Sun in Virgo. In our childhood, we are our Moon sign and as the feelings of the Pisces moon was in opposition to the thinking of Virgo, I was kind of primitive, as my father coined it later in life. I was a very good but slow thinker, so I couldn’t handle his smartness.
In the summer holidays after the fourth year, I for the first time saw the girls as women. I have Leo ascendant, and Leo took over in the teenage years, and my tormenter from the first four years lost fully his power over me, he couldn’t touch me any longer and I forgot him. I even took his best friend away from him. And I didn’t need to fight physically anymore, ever.
In the twenties we begin developing the Sun, now the thinking of my Virgo sun is strong, but the feelings of the Pisces moon is in opposition to the thinking. Everybody tries to join the anima and animus in the twenties, but my opposition between Moon and Sun made it even more difficult to get feeling, thinking, and intuition to work together.
When sun and moon found each other I understood that I shouldn’t trust people more than they can handle, that people generally did their best however bad that may seem.
And I also understood that people generally are nice as long as we are true. It made it much easier for me to hold lectures, I didn’t need to have 110% control over every word, I was free to form the lecture together with the expectations of the audience. If there was something I didn’t know I could say I would find out, and it would be ok if they were satisfied with the rest.
People’s shortcomings are caused by the karma they haven’t handled, and I see karma as nature powers like rain and earthquakes, they simply haven’t the strength to fight the strong will of karma, and I don’t take nature powers personally, so I even don’t need to forgive them, but I use an umbrella when it rain.
If my expectations are higher than people can bear, I kind of hurt both myself and them, they may have yet another failure, a new burden added to their karma, but it also adds to the burden we bear ourselves.
With this view, I became better at recognizing what I could expect of others, and I had no bad feelings if something didn’t go as expected.
We are human and we are allowed to fall again and again, as long as we raise again. It goes both for ourselves and others!